The crazy lengths some customers go to when they try to return fake merchandise
\"It\'s Gregory House\'s mantra, the talented, quirky doctor Hugh Laurie plays on the TV show of the same name.
Not everyone lies, of course.
But there are enough people doing things. . . interesting.
Last week, I asked readers to share anecdotes about retail sniffs trying to return fake goods.
Their story shows how imaginative human beings are.
Jeanette Reynolds from Va Manassas
A friend used to work in retail.
In the VHS era, a customer brought back a video recorder.
Jeanette wrote: \"The customer said it was new and never came out of the box.
But the policy of the store is to check everything.
When the sealed box was opened, the customer ran out of the store.
There are a few bricks and wood inside, so it looks heavy enough to be a video recorder.
\"Sometimes the customer left with the box --er, bag.
A Black Friday a few years ago, Jane Holmes, Silver Spring, Maryland
, Rush to the goal of Whitton square (\"It will always be Whitton square for me,\" Jane wrote about the current Westfield Whitton), trying to findto-find rose-gold iPad.
\"To my surprise, when I opened the sealed package, I found three cans of tuna in the box,\" Jane wrote . \".
\"I called Target right away and luckily they believed me.
\"Jane returned to the store with all the packaging --and the tuna.
She replaced the tuna iPad with the real iPad.
Jane thinks it must be internal work and the packaging is perfect.
Used to sell some old video games on eBay.
The buyer claimed they were broken and asked for a refund.
So the game came back and returned the receipt at Steve\'s expense.
When they open the package, they find that it is not a video game, but a stack of paper, cut into the shape of the game, and weighted accordingly.
Steve, who lives in Brooklyn, wrote: \"eBay refunded his money and we had a stack of paper that they didn\'t care about.
I \'ve kept that guy\'s address for years and I\'m sure I\'ll get him back. But alas.
\"Back in the days of touring, Bill Oliver, Kensington, Maryland
Got a new video recorder.
When he got home and opened the box, he found that what was inside was someone else\'s old beat --up VCR.
\"Of course, I went back to the store right away,\" Bill wrote . \".
\"But trying to convince them that they put me in a\" sneaky sale \"proves a challenge.
They refused to exchange the goods.
I had to wait a few weeks when they did the survey.
In the end, they apologized to me and refunded my payment, but this caused me inconvenience.
\"When Amela Nau of Silver Springs opened her new electric toothbrush, she noticed a bite mark on it.
It\'s someone else\'s old toothbrush.
Amela wrote: \"Disgusting!
\"Speaking of gross, it was Sally Bell\'s first job in Waldorf, Maryland.
When I was a teenager, I had hamburgers at a Gino restaurant.
One day a customer came in and complained
\"The chicken he bought was not good and wanted to get his money back,\" Sallie wrote . \".
\"When the manager opened the box, it was full of bones!
After walking back and forth (quite intense), the manager did refund the customer\'s money.
\"When I was a teenager, Jack tumei from pulsville, Maryland.
He worked part-time at a Kroger grocery store and soon became a quick cashier.
Jack wrote: \"One day, a man with a Pengtou empt put a large circle of croge soda cans on his belt, each of which cost a nickel and helped me count
\"There may be 20 cans outside the circle, with at least 25 cans inside.
\"The total cost is a bit more than $2.
Soda was cheap at that time.
) Another cashier asked Jack if he had actually checked the jars in the center of the soda square. \" He hadn\'t.
The next time a customer comes in and tries to count the cans himself, Jack puts his hand inside.
All the cans in the quality center are beer cans of about 25 cents.
Jack wrote, \"he pretended to be ignorant when I charged him the right price.
\"From 1970 to 1972, Bruce Schulman of Silver Springs was the head of woodwald and Lowthrop commodity adjustment, Inc. e.
At that time, he watched all kinds of plays.
For example, there was a woman who brought back a small kalastan wool carpet depicting a colorful fish against a sunburned background.
She spent about $30 on something hanging on the wall and came in complaining that it was ruined after she washed it.
She asked for a full refund.
Bruce thinks she can only blame herself.
\"Who will put the carpet in the washing machine? \" he asked —
But the real problem is that this woman has owned the carpet for 10 years.
Bruce wrote, \"my superior ordered a refund check for her.
\"Customers always seem right.
Even if she wants to tear you off
Twitter: @ johnkelly\'s previous column, please visit the Washington Post. Com/person/John-kelly.